


Eating Habits

by accidentalrambler



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Crack Fic, F/M, Gen, Humor, Klaroline, anti TO!Klaus, anti camille o'connell, anti klamille, anti the originals, anti to, probably inappropriate humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 07:43:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5448704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accidentalrambler/pseuds/accidentalrambler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Klaroline/Klamuffin drabble. Caroline goes to NOLA to see for herself how low the mighty have fallen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eating Habits

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: It's cracky and anti-to, anti-TO!Klaus, anti-klamille and anti-camille o'connell. So if you're into any of that stuff, you read at your own risk.

Caroline Forbes strode into the New Orleans Mikaelson mansion like a woman on a mission.

And she was.

Ever since Rebekah had called her, muttering crazily about Klaus' latest obsession with muffins, the baby vampire couldn't find peace. The Original sister had gone on and on about the hybrid's unusual new taste, then told Caroline how furious he had been with her after she'd kidnapped his last batch of baked goods.

"He's going to dagger me as soon as he finds me, Caroline," she whispered fearfully, and then added, "And now my watch has ended, it's your turn," before ending the call promptly.

The desperate tone of Rebekah's voice and, to be completely honest, pure curiosity, led Caroline to fly out to New Orleans and see for herself, whether her blonde frenemy had been exaggerating or not.

The first thing to catch her attention, as she stepped into the complex, was how...run-down the place seemed. Their Mystic Falls mansion had been grand, but this? This place looked as though it was owned by the impoverished aristocracy. Warning bells went off in Caroline's head, just at the sight of it.

Using her enhanced hearing, she tracked Klaus down and flashed in the direction of the low slurping noises he was making. Caroline suspected he was draining some poor soul and got a little messy about it. However, after entering the dining room, she was welcomed with the sight of the hybrid drinking, what appeared to be a milkshake, through a straw and an enormous tray of muffins set out in front of him.

So Rebekah was telling the truth, after all, Caroline thought, feeling a little floored by the sight before her. What she found even more disturbing, though, was the fact Klaus hadn't even noticed or heard her, it was as if his supernatural abilities had dimmed, he was so engrossed in those damn muffins.

Caroline certainly hadn't expected him to go sugar-free while waiting for her to be ready but this? This was highly insulting. By the looks of it, Klaus' sudden taste in muffins didn't even include the more delicious ones, full of rich flavours but the blandest brand there had ever been.

If he was going to find entertainment while she was away doing her thing, the least he could do was make the most of it.

But no, he was just sitting there, in the dining room, like Jabba the Hutt, his face puffy from the overdose of saccharine, a tray full of those bland muffins in front of him. Truth be told, he looked as if he was going to fall into a sugar coma.

Klaus grasped one and was about to take a bite when Caroline flashed to him and knocked it out of his hand. At first response, tears welled up in his blue eyes, a sight that shocked her greatly.

It wasn't that she thought men couldn't cry but, for the love of god, the Original Hybrid tearing up over a muffin?

Something was fundamentally wrong here.

"What the hell are you doing? You're dead, you…," he started fussing like a child, then looked up and gasped in disbelief, "Caroline? Why did you do that, love? What are you even doing here?"

"Rebekah called me. At first I didn't believe her but, this is ridiculous! Klaus, you need to stop stuffing your face with those muffins! Haven't you heard the phrase, 'Moment on the lips, forever on the hips'? Well, in our instance, forever is a freaking long time!"

"But my therapist said…," he started, turning defensive.

"Klaus, god damn it, you're a 1000 year old Original, don't you think your knowledge of psychology is incomparably superior to that of a human doctor? What happened to you?" Caroline asked, dumbfounded.

"You're just jealous, sweetheart. It's petty of you," he bit out, unable to find a more eloquent retort and Caroline didn't even try to hold back an amused chuckle that came out of her mouth.

"Jealous of what?! This pathetic muffin? And please, like I'd want you now when you're basically a saggy bag of manpain and tears. Look at yourself!"

Surprisingly, he did as he was told without any remarks and in a way, that infuriated Caroline even more. Where was his pride? Charm? This dangerous vibe he had seemed to be emanating with every flick of his tongue across his lips, picture that had made her shiver every single time?

What had this place done to him? This was not Klaus she used to know.

Having decided shock-therapy was the way to go, she kept on talking.

"Look, I, Caroline, human-loving full-of-light Caroline, am encouraging you to go back to your old murdery ways. That should really tell you something."

Seeing a flicker of something familiar cross his eyes at her words, the baby vampire delivered her final blow by snatching the muffins from him and flashing away. She couldn't help herself and stopped at the threshold, yelling her words of goodbye so they would reach him despite his impaired hearing.

"You gotta love yourself, Klaus!"

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

After Caroline had left, he was just sitting there, still, his eyes drilled into the empty space where the muffins had lain. Now that they were gone, what was he going to soak his pain into? They may have been tasteless but carbs were just so hard to give up.

However, Caroline's words danced around his mind and the more he thought about how she talked to him, the more he was filled with rage.

But also…

Only Caroline dared to speak to him in such a blunt and unapologetic manner. It was something that drew him to her from the very start. A muffin, on the other hand, didn't have a personality and never said anything interesting.

Now that she had confronted him, he realized just how much he had missed that.

Ascending the stairs, he entered his bedroom, in hopes of finding some muffins he had stashed in his bedside table to soothe his pain. As he was passing by the mirror, Caroline's words flashed back to his mind once again and made him stop.

Klaus took a careful look in the mirror, the image he saw for the very first time not very appealing. Dowdy clothes, bags under his eyes, this vibe of utter self-loathing quite visible in his whole posture.

Caroline was right.

It was time to go on a diet.


End file.
